explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
