Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
