i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
