oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
