if i can run in heels then i can drive
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
