I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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