i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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