Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
