I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
