Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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