that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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