Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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