whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
