he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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