got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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