hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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