We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
