If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
