omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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