wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
