I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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