How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
