grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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