I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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