Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
