Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
