Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
