In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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