there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
