Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a hot homeless man
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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