I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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