Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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