I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
