I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize