I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
