Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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