Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She tied me up with her honor cords...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
