does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
