If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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