you guys were way drunker than both of me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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