i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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