just come out here and I will go home with you...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
