i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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