omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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