Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
