I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
