ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
