Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
