dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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