How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
